The Things Love Taught Me About Myself

Don’t be surprised.

Yes, we’re talking about love today (lol). I wrote this after stumbling upon a quote that struck me deeply:

“Relationships expose you to parts of yourself you never knew existed.”

At first, I thought I knew myself well. After all, who could know me better than me? But relationships have a way of holding up a mirror and showing you sides of yourself you never imagined.

In love, I discovered a different me. A girl that could wait, endure, forgive, and care deeply, even in the face of disappointment. Normally, I’m the type that moves on quickly. If you annoy me, I hiss, block, and go my way. End of story. But somehow, love taught me patience - the kind that makes you take a deep breath when you would rather scream. I remember when something happened, that affected me in a way I should have lost my cool and ended the love story. But the whole time, I stayed calm, and told myself, “People make mistakes, Lilian. Relax.” That was quite new for me.

I also discovered compassion. Some of the partners I had were far from ideal, and if my friends had a vote, they would have impeached them from my life long ago. Yet, I stayed, treated them kindly, and gave more than I thought I could. It wasn’t about being a fool for love; it was about realizing I had the capacity to care even when the other person wasn’t perfect.

Then came forgiveness. Ah, that humbled me. I used to think forgiveness was a rare act, but relationships taught me it can be daily, even hourly, for such things as careless words, unmet expectations, and forgetfulness. And in forgiving, I found strength I never knew I had.

Did love only reveal the good? No!

It also exposed my jealousy, insecurities, and vulnerability. Suddenly, I was overthinking things like, “Why is he online but not texting me?” or “Why did he like her picture twice?” I realized I wasn’t as unbothered as I always claimed. Love exposed me.

And when relationships ended, I noticed another truth - you don’t walk into the next one the same. There must be a shift. Sometimes you trust less, raise your standards, or guard your heart more. At first, it feels like you’ve become someone else, and in a way, you have. But that change isn’t always bad, it’s you protecting your peace. Still, if you’re not careful, those walls can punish someone new who doesn’t deserve it. That’s when another lesson begins: balancing wisdom with kindness, protection with openness.

 

Through it all, I’ve learned that relationships are like free lessons in self-discovery whether or not they were good or bad. They reveal your strengths, weaknesses, breaking points, and even hidden superpowers. One moment you’re laughing at midnight about who should hang up first, the next you’re practicing conflict resolution over who should have called first.

 

At the end of the day, I realized this: “Relationships are not just about discovering who the other person is. They’re about discovering who you truly are.” Even if it doesn’t work out, you never leave the same way you entered.

 

So, if you’re in love, falling out of love, or healing from it, don’t despise the parts of yourself that show up. The good, the bad, and the confusing—they’re all teaching you something about patience, compassion, vulnerability, and you.

And sometimes, the greatest gift of a relationship is not the person you were with, but the person you became after.

 

 …Sweet Lilian